"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
