dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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