because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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