I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
