your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we're chasing vodka with high fives
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize