U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
