winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
