My brain says no but my pants say off.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
