I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize