i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
