Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
