I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
