just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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