Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
