Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
