He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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