This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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