gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
