I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
