Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ttyl tear gas
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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