just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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