Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
