You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
