Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
