he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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