oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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