This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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