If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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