The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
