I think my fart just growled at me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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