Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
