i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
