my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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