Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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