I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
