i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
is it fun? or sober?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
