Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
