we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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