um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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