I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
