Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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