Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
