Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
