PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
