Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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