i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
