I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
