Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
okay pat passed out under dana's car
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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