he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
