angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
