Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
