somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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