My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
