Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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