i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
