Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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