why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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