I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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