3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize