ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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