sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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