dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
