i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
