I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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