Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
