i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
