I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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